Update!

It has been so, so long since I last sat down to write any kind of update.  Sorry!

So, in the past two and a half weeks, I have gone through orientation at this new hospital, and I start working on my own on Friday.  It's been a hefty learning curve.  You have no idea how much you don't know until you start working in a new hospital.  All of the policies, procedures, charting, and even what I can or cannot do until I take this class or that class.  I think it's funny that I have worked with ports, psych patients, and conscious sedations extensively over the past year but must take extra classes in order to do any of that work here.  Another huge thing is that, in Indianapolis, people are sick. S-I-C-K.  I'm talking mass amounts of comorbidities, which, in layman's terms, means that these people have several different illnesses, chronic (long-term) and/or (acute).  Because of this, I have lots of experience working with people who have COPD, renal failure, diabetes, and a chronic MRSA issue, all together and working as a team of illnesses to further sicken the patient.  Here, people have very few, if any, comorbidities, and many of them who come to the ER have traumatic injuries, or weird stuff that I haven't dealt with before.  In short, my experience isn't super valuable here (Community people, I have seen zero asthmatic/croupy kiddos, zero MRSA/CDIFF, one COPDer, and one diabetic in the past six 12 hour shifts.).  I am asking a lot of questions, trying to learn about how to assess and stabilize these traumas and funky hemopneumoemboli shenanigans.  I keep reminding myself that my boss hired me with the knowledge that I have very little trauma experience, but it's scary sometimes. 

I am feeling kind of insecure because my preceptor last night expressed some concerns over my lack of trauma experience.  She kind of insulted me about it, too.  It didn't make me feel very good.  Again I remind myself that God has made it really crystal clear that I am to be here at the moment.  Sometimes that helps.  Sometimes it doesn't.

Last week was really hard.  I knew when I decided to leave Indy that I would miss home, miss my family, miss my friends, and miss my dogs.  I had no clue how much I would miss knowing the exact location of the nearest Walmart.  Or how to get across town in the most time-efficient way.  It is the most humbling thing to me to have to ask for directions because I'm on the other side of town from my appointment because I'm lost.  I spent a lot of last week crying and missing home.  I decided to go to Portland to visit my aunt and cousins over there, and while taking that break from Bend, God finally got through to me.  I finally shut up and listened and discovered that this whole adventure is not just about adventure: it's about changing the person I am into a better person.  I also had three hours in the car to think about what a piece of work that is going to be.  This weekend, I read Don Miller's book "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years," which is about the concept of story and how it applies to our reality.  In short, character is only developed through conflict.  So, in essence, this time in Bend is not going to be easy.  I'm going to have fun and have adventures and explore, but I'm also going to cry and pray and understand what it is like to rely on God for everything that I took for granted in Indy--He is the only Person here who knows me for who I am, my history, my inside jokes, my heart of hearts.  I spent so much time in Indy socializing (you would too if your friends were as awesome as mine are) that it was easy to ignore the still, small Voice (not okay). 

I have a day off tomorrow and since I don't know anyone well enough here to hug them, I am getting a massage for the benefit of touch.  :)   I am also going camping this weekend with my aunt and cousins--should be a good time!